While Hollywood has the Razzies– a”celebration” of the worst movies the year offered-the Shaynies have the Shamies. While there was still a surprising amount of good stuff to see in 2020 despite the lockdowns and quarantines, there was still plenty of disappointment and outright garbage to go around as well. Whether it was a streaming show, one of the few theatrical releases I caught before the world hit pause or even a rare and oh so precious pay-per-view release, these were the worst (or most disappointing) things I subjected myself to in 2020.
As always, a kudos to Nerd Is The Word reader Alison Hill, who suggested the name we use for the worst of the worst. Thanks Alli.
Wonder Woman 1984: I really, REALLY wanted to enjoy this movie. And putting it on this list pains me to no end. I loved the first Wonder Woman and spent years looking forward to the sequel. The fact that the pandemic added months to that wait sharpened my anticipation even more. The fact that it became available on Christmas Day was a present 2020 owed me. Alas . . .
I didn’t necessarily hate WW84 and I don’t think it deserved all the venom it got on the Internet. But it did definitely deserve more than its fair share of criticism and yes, contempt. And it most definitely wasn’t worth the wait (or the 35 bucks I had to shell out to rent it on cable). I spent years eagerly awaiting WW84 and was deeply, deeply disappointed. Whether it was the underwhelming villains (WW84 not only wasted the characters of the Cheetah and Maxwell Lord, it also wasted the talents of Pedro Pascale and Kristen Wiig), its hole filled plot or the cringeworthy way it resurrected Steve Trevor,Wonder Woman’s long awaited sequel fell flat. Even the things it managed to land felt like clumsy accidents. Hopefully Patty Jenkins was just getting the suck out of her system before a strong return in the already green lit Wonder Woman 3.
Mulan: Another severe disappointment, Mulan may not have deserved all the hate it garnered online either, but it was still a sizeable let down nonetheless. Especially because this was the movies I was most looking forward to last spring. And like WW84, Mulan wasn’t worth what I had to pay ON TOP of my DisneyPlus monthly subscription.
The original animated Mulan is by far one of my favourite animated Disney classics, but this remake sorely missed all the things that made me fall in love with the first one. No Mushu. No trademark comedic moments. No stirring musical numbers (and for the record, I normally HATE musicals). While some memorable characters were missing, others were changed beyond recognition. If Mulan was a stand alone movie with no animated ancestor to speak of, it probably would have been mediocre. But the fact is I just couldn’t find a place in my heart for this version, even in a year where there was little competition.
The Blood of Zeus: In case you haven’t seen this animated series but were curious what it was all about, let me safe you some time. Did you see Immortals starring a pre Man of Steel Henry Cavill? You did? OK, cool. Then you’ve seen Blood of Zeus. Its plot is a virtual carbon copy. In fact I’d be surprised if the screen writers who penned Immortals weren’t tempted to sue BoZ’s producers for copyright infringement. Blood of Zeus did add a few minor elements of its own, but they didn’t affect the story in any meaningful way (which, in case you missed it, was a giant rip off). In short, if you’ve seen Immortals or are a fan of Greek mythology, there’s zero reason to sit through eight seconds of this show, let alone eight episodes.
The Devil All The Time: I was so psyched for this. A cast that included Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Sebastian Stan and others in a psychological thriller about religious corruption in 1950’s rural Ohio? I was all in. And then I was all out. It was boring. It was slow. And it was long. It stumbled between vague plot points like a drunk after last call and aside from Holland (who did do an admittedly excellent job), all the big names we were promised got seven minutes or so of screen time. And the end was a litany of WTF moments which left you scratching your head and waiting for some kind of actual resolution. It made Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri look downright conclusive. The Devil All The Time was a perfect example of wasted potential and Hollywood selling the consumer a bill of goods (wait, is Netflix technically Hollywood?). Not to mention being responsible for a strong case of watcher’s remorse.
Dolittle: I know, I know, this one’s on me. Robert Downey Jr.’s first gig after his epic turn as Tony Stark in the MCU, in a family movie released in January? This had catastrophe written all over it. Yet I still went in voluntarily. Fourteen months later and all I remember from this flick is that RDJ made a tiger cry, a dragon farted, Antonio Banderas looks weird in mascara and the whole thing was a snorefest. How the mighty fell (makes you wonder how grateful Chris Hemsworth is for a fourth Thor movie). Though Dolittle does raise the question, if you know a movie is going to suck going in, can you qualify for the “I’m going to regret forking money over for this” discount? Because after seeing Dolittle, I’m pretty sure that should be a thing.
Birds of Prey: You’ve got to hand it to Birds of Prey, it followed DC’s box office pattern perfectly. After hitting it out of the park with the billon dollar Joker (which also collected a fair number of awards and critical accolades), BoP was a financial bomb that earned a “meh” at best from most fans. It should have been titled Harley Quinn and a Few Other People because everyone was basically part of the background scenery while Margot Robbie’s Quinn took centre stage. That wouldn’t have been so bad if that’s how they sold it instead of the super hero ensemble they promised everyone. And the Black Mask was arguably the most underwhelming comic book movie villain I have ever seen (and no, that had nothing to do with his sexuality). On top of all that, the plot was shrug worthy at best. But it’s biggest Shamie earning sin was insulting and demeaning The Huntress, one of my favourite DC characters. Surfing the movie channels late one night I kept thinking how sad it was that there was nothing on. Then I came across Birds of Prey and decided there was still nothing on.
V Wars: This one may be cheating a little because Netflix dropped this comic book adaptation in December of 2019. While I was vaguely aware of it I didn’t have time to watch it until 2020’s first lockdown. Now I want those ten hours of my life back. I still can’t decide which I hated more; the bad acting, the nonsensical characters (the people that populated V Wars‘ world were really, really dumb) or the horrible dialogue. The only thing genuinely scary about V Wars-the story of a vampire pandemic threatening humankind-was the writing (though the acting was a very close second). I only hung in for the duration because I kept expecting it to get better. It never did. But it did give me the resolve to abandon future shows if they gave me the same vibes after the first episode or two (looking at you Cursed and Warrior Nun). But while it saved me from sitting through future duds, I still want those ten hours back.
Hubie’s Halloween: You remember how successful Adam Sandler’s formula was during his early movies like Waterboy, Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison? Remember how his characters were all clueless putzes and his movies were filled with wall-to-wall slapstick, sight gags and toilet humour? Remember how it was amusing twenty years ago? Now that Sandler’s in his fifties, that formula doesn’t sell. At all. In fact it’s actually kind of sad. I didn’t laugh once during Hubie Halloween’s entire run time. The best I could do was roll my eyes in exasperation whenever it tried to be funny. It was so bad I found myself wondering if Sandler had lost a bet. Or if he only made Hubie’s Halloween to satisfy a contractual obligation. If that’s the case Netflix deserves a refund. And humanity deserves an apology.
Image via Forbes.com
